Sometimes I feel like my heart could burst!

On Monday it will be three months...

three months of kissing those chubby cheeks
three months of watching Brock and Erica's love for their baby brother deepen
three months of laughing at Micah's expressions
three months of baby food and diapers (after a 7 year hiatus)
three months of good sleep (much to our delightful surprise!!)
three months of marveling at God's plan
three months of forgetting the "waiting pains"

As our sweet baby cuddled on my chest last night (something that he is starting to do more and more!!!!!!and I love it!!!) I seriously felt like my heart could burst with joy. I love feeling his little breaths and yawns and the way he kicks his little foot every once in awhile. Brock captured the moment on digital, but I am not sure any picture or any words can begin to describe how thankful I am for moments like these.

"For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands."
Psalm 92:4

This little light of mine...

Do you ever get the feeling that the Lord is trying to tell you something???

I have noticed that sometimes when the Lord wants me to really focus on an issue, He brings it to my attention several times in a short period of time. Maybe it is the same verse that pops up several times in one day....maybe it is someone who is brought to my attention several times...maybe it is a song that keeps playing at "that exact moment"...ANYWAY, clearly the Lord understands that I need something repeated for it to really sink in.

In the last couple of days, here is what happened:

At church on Sunday: We sang "Go Light Your World". We have sung this song many times before (you know the one..."carry your candle"...don't you wish you could hear me singing it now??)...but this Sunday I was especially moved by the phrases "run to the darkness" and "seek out the helpless". I really started thinking about MY candle....am I running to the darkness to share the light of Christ??? Do I seek out the lost??

THEN, on Monday, I found the song "This Little Light of Mine" ringing in my ears from a children's CD. AND to top it off...while doing my Bible study on Tuesday, I came across Matthew 5:14-16. You know the verses..."a city on a hill cannot be hidden...let your light shine before men..."

SO>>>>clearly at this point I was seeing the "repetition"....and I have been thinking about it ever since...this whole idea of Christ's light being evident in my life (and in my home) to the point that others see Jesus in us.

I am thinking that balance is SO IMPORTANT here....it is cruciall that I be sure that my candle is "fully lit" and that the light of Jesus is shining bright in our home.

But is that enough??

Sometimes I think that I focus so much energy "stoking the fire" in my own heart and in my own home...that I do not have the time/energy/focus to run and seek out others who need Jesus in their lives.

Balance. That is the key, I think. There must be a balance. I need to tend to the flame in my own heart and in my own home....but I cannot become so consumed with my own flame, that I neglect Jesus' command to get out there and "light up our world"!!

"Blog-surfing" or "Blog-hopping" or what do YOU call it??

Is it just me??
One of the things I love about this blog-world is "surfing" to other Christian families' blogs.

I was explaining this to my husband last night (when he gave me that quirky "how in the world can you get so sucked into that computer" look)... and my reply:

"Here's how it works. I usually first check out my friends' blogs (Stacy's, Carrie's, Ali's, Stephanie's, Sandy's...etc)...THEN the blog surfing begins. I either start from the friends/favorites list of one of my friends' blogs (Stacy has a bunch) OR I go to the Christian women online blog-roll and select one (or occasionally I just hit the "random" button) ...if the blog interests me, I read on...if not, I surf to another.

WHY??? (I think that is the look Chad was giving me next)....I gave this some real thought last night (you know...like...is this a wise use of my time??)...and decided that there are two things I like most about hopping around to other blogs....

1) I LOVE to see what ideas/strategies other women are using, especially as they seek to raise their children in a godly fashion. I love to read about the successes and failures and triumphs and challenges of other Christian moms...sort of a "best practices" resource.

2) I come away feeling very encouraged. I was telling Chad last night that it renews my faith in mankind...that there ARE other families (all over the U.S.) who desire --like we do--to set standards based on God's word, not on what society deems acceptable. I am very blessed to have some wonderful Christian girlfriends...but blog surfing reminds me that we are not alone (I believe that Satan loves to tempt us to believe that we are)

SO.....chime in here!!!!

Are you a blog surfer too?? What are some cool places you have found?? I want to expand my "blogs we like" section!! And be sure in the future to tell me when you stumble on a good blog!!

SHOCKING NEWS IN CYBERSPACE:

Well, maybe not so shocking for all of you....but it jolted ME out of my usual routine! A wonderful thing happened today...MY BROTHER, MIKE, VISITED MY BLOG AND LEFT A COMMENT!!!!

Made my day!

My older brother, Mike, is an attorney in Baltimore, Maryland. He is one of those computer-technology-geekie guys (but in a very cool way) who knows everything about computers (and has a SLIGHT preference for Apple over PC) and who probably spends hours each day on his computer....but TODAY he did something really special...he took time for his little sister!

Glad you visited, Mike! I hope you drop back by OFTEN...and when you do, leave me a comment...I LOVE READING COMMENTS (that goes for all of you other silent visitors, too!!)

And we all wore green!!!

This post is one I should have written months ago!

I have heard it said that friends can multiply one's joys and divide one's sorrows...and I could not agree more. These three friends of mine (Carrie front center, Sheila on the right, and Colleen back center) have blessed my life in ways beyond measure!!

Maybe it would be fun to do an individual post on each of them...what do you think girls? Ready for your profile? I will be calling to interview you soon!

Over the years, we have shared.... cookouts, pitchins, games, fireworks, boating, vacations, joys, heartaches, baptisms, births (and an adoption!), deaths, home repair projects, ER visits, shopping trips, laser tag, weekend youth events, birthday parties, late night chats, weddings, campouts, road trips....the list could go on and on....but it HAS to end with a confession of the INSANE amount of food we have prepared (and eaten) together!!!

Above all other things, the thing I enjoy MOST about these girls is that we share a love for the Lord and a desire to be the wives/moms that God calls us to be! The moments that I treasure most, are the moments with Christ at the center...the talks we have had, the scriptures we have shared, the prayers that have been offered, the encouragement to press on.

And did I mention the "failures"?? I am thankful to have friends that like me when I am "real"...and that share their real selves with me.

OK...the tears are welling up...so I am stopping there for now.

But, OH...the picture!!!??? This summer, I was given 4 tickets to a Third Day concert just a couple of hours before the show started...so....the cell phones went into action, and the next thing I knew, we were all standing next to each other, worshipping our Creator (to the music of my favorite group, I might add).

We had a good laugh that night, too, when we all met in the Steak and Shake parking lot to leave and realized that we had NOT co-ordinated our clothes...I mean seriously, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT WE WOULD ALL SHOW UP WEARING GREEN!?!?! A little embarrassing, don't ya' think!?!

That's not MICAH'S duckie, Stacy!!

OH MY GOODNESS....call me obsessive, call me paranoid, call me psychotic....but I just had to be sure that y'all knew that grungy, gray duckie in the bottom picture is NOT Micah's duckie...it belongs to a patient of mine who clearly has loved that duckie to pieces! The sad thing is...the mom says that even after her duckie is washed, it still looks all gray....SEE!!!That is my point!!!

Ok....well, this is the end of the duckie debate...promise...I was accused of "having too much time on my hands"...which is clearly not true (I just apparently have a problem with prioritization).

Maybe my next post will be something of eternal value...ummm...or maybe not!! =)

Words to remember....

During the adoption process, the Lord used several scriptures to minister to my heart. These verses will always be so dear to me, as they "held me" through the process of bringing Micah home. This morning I was reminded of this one:

"The Lord Almighty has sworn this oath, "It will happen as I have planned. It will come about according to my purposes..."" Isaiah 14:24

Oh, Lord, how I need to be reminded (every minute of every day, I think) that you have a plan and a purpose for my life...and for the lives of Chad and the kids....I want to be faithful in living according to your will, that I would not miss what you have so lovingly prepared for our lives.

The Great Debate (aka: "Teddy vs. Duckie") - pictures!!

I know, I know....duckie is not THAT bad! In the end....I am sure it will be Micah who get to make the final decision (but I cannot promise that I won't continue to make duckie a little less accessible to him!! ) =) Pathological, don't you think???

The Great Debate (aka: "Teddy vs. Duckie") -- about those pictures...

Depite my repeated (and I mean REPEATED) attempts to add the pics of duckie and teddy, I have been unable to post the pics. I know you are crushed....check back later...maybe I can getter' done at some point.

The Great Debate (aka: "Teddy vs. Duckie")

History: Micah comes home from Guatemala and has a couple of stuffed animals in his crib (including a musical giraffe that we gave him when he was 3 weeks old...it was with him in his crib at the orphanage). Somehow a little white stuffed duck with a silkie night-cap ended up in the crib.

Opening argument: Micah started to become attached to the duckie...very cute...he would cuddle it next to his face and suck on the little cap.

Counter argument: It is a WHITE duck that looks more like a platypus (top pic)...and the night cap is a little goofy. If it turns into his "attachment toy" it will not stay white...and I have no idea where to get another if it gets lost!

Solution: I bought a cute little teddy bear (at Target...and I am sure they have them a million other places too, just in case this one gets lost) with a little silkie blankie attached (next pic)

Strategy: Put both little toys in the crib for awhile and let him attach to both..then "phase out" duckie.

Progress: The plan is working well...Micah loves teddy...he pulls it up next to his face and cuddles it and sucks on the little silk blankie and the tag (next pic!!). He gets all happy-excited when he sees it.

PROBLEM!!!!: Brock and Erica and Aunt Dona (our nanny for 8 years now) keep putting duckie back in the crib every time I am not around. They think I am a meanie for trying to get rid of duckie! It has become this game of sorts...I take duckie out of the crib (AND MICAH IS PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH TEDDY) but every time I turn around, duckie has re-appeared IN the crib!

So....what am I to do?? I feel like a meanie if I take away duckie (only because THEY will think I am a meanie...I am fine with it, mind you!!...after all...Micah HAS teddy!!!) but...I received such confirmation a couple of days ago when this little girl came into my office with HER duckie...I think it used to be light yellow, but now it is hard to tell...I was thinking that if only she had attached to a little teddy like Micah's, it would wash up SO much better!!!!! I snapped a picture (with her consent, of course) to "beef up" my side of the argument (last pic)! Think it will work?? Doubtful.

Did you hear it???/

Did you hear a big crashing noise yesterday??

It was the sound of my computer. Yep....gotta love it....my laptop (you know the one...the one with all my pictures (most saved somewhere else) and financial stuff (none of it saved anywhere else) and presentations (did i save those??))....the computer with all THAT stuff on it....IT CRASHED HARD (I fear it is the hard drive) and has no intention of recovering without some serious therapy.

So....it may seem a little shallow....but if your prayer list has room...I am having a panic attack at the thought to spending the next three weeks trying to go back and recover/reenter/rewrite everything...ugh!!!!

Maybe something better to post about tomorrow?????????

"Hey, look at me....see me??...I CAN CRAWL!!"

My mom has been a bit of a slacker lately in updating you on all my new tricks. So, let me fill you in! This week I finally got tired of dragging my belly on the ground "army crawling"...and decided to just get up and for-real-crawl...and I have been crawling from room to room ever since! If I would have known what a big deal everyone would make of it, I would have done it much sooner!

Speaking of "making a big deal of something"...you should see how these people respond to me when I do this little trick. It goes like this: someone says the word "up" and I just raise both my hands high in the air and make a big cheesy smile. I do not know what it is...but everyone just goes NUTS about that one.

I have gotten really good at putting my own food in my mouth, too! Well, except one little glitch...every once in awhile I feel this very sharp pain on my fingers when I put them in my mouth...OUCH that hurts!....then I just get real mad...but mama always says something like "Well, quit biting yourself cutie pie!!"...I hope I figure that one out real soon...while I still have fingers, that is!

My bubby and sissy have got to be the most fun people in the world...SERIOUSLY...they give me tons of smooches and always tell me "I love you" ...and they act like I am more fun than any other thing in this whole house!!

Well, I could go on like this forever...but mommy should be getting me ready for bed sometime soon...and I LOVE my bedtime...I have this cute little teddy-bear thing with a little silky blankie stuck right to it!! Mommy just lays me in my crib and I snuggle right up to "little bear" and I am off to sleep! Everyone always seems so surprised that I never fuss...but what is there to fuss about??? Life is good here!! GOD is good!!

Diving and Dancing

Throughout the adoption process, there were a couple of songs that the Lord used to really speak to my heart. One of those songs was "Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I remember very clearly that this song was playing in my headphones (while out for a jog) at the very moment that I felt the Lord saying we just needed to jump in and do it. Chad and I had been talking about adopting for a long time, and at that very moment I felt like the Lord was giving me clear direction that we were to "Take His hand, count to three and take a leap of faith"....so, we dove in to the adoption world.

There were several other times that I am convinced with all of my heart that the Lord played this song SPECIFICALLY for me...here is one more example...I was driving home and knew that we had a "packet" waiting for us...it was Micah's referral packet (with pictures, birthmom information, etc). I knew that in just a couple of minutes we would be making the decision whether or not to adopt this precious baby. Our adoption agency had showed some hesitation, for concerns that the birthmom may have trouble making to her appointments, etc...which, of course, was a major concern to us, given that we were (at the time) still waiting on Isaac's birthmom to reappear. Anyway, as I was driving home, I was just praying that the Lord would give us clear indication and a peace about our decision. The sky was amazing...an incredible sunset. After I finished praying, I snapped a couple of pictures of the sky as I was driving (bad idea, I know) . Then, I turned my radio on and there it was...."Dive"....I wish I could describe the feeling that came over me...it was as if the Lord was saying so clearly "You dove...now dive again...trust me...." I knew before we even opened the referral packet that this was the baby that would be our son.

SO....this very fun thing happened this morning...I set Micah down on the floor to play...and he started to dance...except there was no music. So, he looked at the TV (where I often have music playing from) and then back at me and then started to dance again. I think he was asking me to turn the music on! =) So, I turned it on ...and you guessed...the song "Dive" was just starting to play.

I cannot describe the joy in my heart...as Micah and I sat on the floor together and danced to this song TOGETHER...to a song that had such a rich history and meaning!!

I praise you, Lord, and thank you....for the road that we have traveled...and for this beautiful baby boy who is learning to dance in our home!!

The Practice of the Presence of God

The biggest cry of my heart at this time in my life is this: I want to live each day...every moment of each day...aware of God's presence in my life. I want to be constantly thinking of Him as I am doing everything throughout my day...giving Him glory and honor, asking for His guidance and wisdom, thanking Him for His abundant blessings, following the lead of the Holy Spirit in my actions and decisions. I get so frustrated when I realize that time has passed ("sometimes lots of time, sometime just a little time") and I realize that I have not been aware of God's presence in what I was doing.

Sometimes I get frustrated with my inconsistent quiet times...and that IS a real problem...but I think it is so much bigger than that. I want to train my mind and heart to be focused on God during the many other hours of the day, too. Somedays are better than others. One of the blessings (can I really say this???) of the WAITING phase of bringing Micah home, was that it forced me to my knees so much more than any other trial in my life. I was constantly looking for God's presence/reassurance/activity all around me. I miss that.

I recently got out my copy of "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence...and was re-reading some of the things I had underlined over the years...here is one of the passages I had "double-starred"...

"We have only ourselves to blame if we turn from God, occupying ourselves instead with the trifles of life. In the Lord's patience, he endures our weaknesses. But just think of the price we pay by being separated from His presence! Once and for all, let us begin to be His entirely. Let us banish from our heart and soul all that does not reflect Jesus. Let us ask Him for the grace to do this, so that He alone might rule in our hearts."


That is it! That is what I crave!!! For God alone to rule my heart...to the point that I am no longer satisfied unless I am constantly aware of His presence throughout my day, whether I am in the middle of my quiet time...or the middle of cleaning up a messy kitchen...or whatever!!

That is it! That is what I crave!!! Lord, lead me there!